Honorable Service
Aside from the mitzvos to fear and respect one’s parents, the Torah tells us that it is a capital sin to hit (and extract blood) from one’s parent. While hitting anyone is forbidden, hitting a parent is a grotesque dismissal of the time, effort, and resources that parents put into their children (Chinuch 48). In Halacha, hakaras hatov is of utmost importance, and going to the opposite extreme, if one is a kafui tovah, one deserves to die.
However, what is the Halacha when a child wants to “hit” their parent out of care and concern? If a parent has a splinter, can their child remove it for them? What about a surgeon who wants to operate on a parent? Does it make a difference if the parent requests that their child be the one to do the procedure?
Seemingly, there are two opinions in the Gemara, Rishonim, and ultimately between the Mechaber and the Rama. The Mechaber (Y.D. 241;3) seems to rule that a child may never perform a procedure on a parent. The Rama qualifies this statement by saying that if there is no one else available to do this procedure, a child may cause a parent to bleed. The reason for this is that the child's motivation is to help the parent, not hurt them. This is part of the mitzvah of Vaahavta Lirayacha Kamocha, not the prohibition of hitting a parent.
The Achronim explain that the Mechaber forbids this because if the child causes too much bleeding, it will be a “Shigigas Misa”- an inadvertent violation of a chiyuv misa which one must avoid. The Ramban asks that according to the opinion of the Mechaber, what is the basis to learn the practice of medicine for they may one day inadvertently harm someone (and if the patient dies, it will also be “Shigigas Misa”). The Ramban explains that the Torah acknowledges the need for doctors, and although there may be instances where a doctor inadvertently harms a patient, doctors do more good than harm. Accordingly, one is required to seek medical attention. However, in this instance, where there are generally other people who can assist the parent, it is forbidden for a child to unnecessarily extract blood from a parent.
Adapted from the Nishmas Avraham